Condolences to Daedalus

by Harold Grebunski (Dale Neibaur)

November 1998

22 Far 2 Fall

Deadbird Drop

Crete, Greece IM~242NUT

Dear Mr. Daedalus:

We have just received your letter regarding the unfortunate failure of your WINGS-O-FUN v1.0 personal aerobic levitation devices. We regret any inconvenience this may have caused to you or your son. However, the disclaimer on the box, the bold warning in the instruction manual, and the clear information in the training video all warned that the WINGS-O-FUN device is not suitable for extended outdoor excursions in warm weather or flights of greater than three feet off the ground. The training video in particular made it very clear that the FCC has not approved this device for use on any over-water flights without an approved type-III personal floatation device. Therefore, we regretfully inform you that your use of the product has voided its warranty, and we will be unable to replace it for you at our expense. However, if you wish, you may send the complete WINGS-O-FUN kit to us prepaid, and we will evaluate the extent of the damage and give you a written estimate of the cost to repair them. We accept only Airborne Express overnight shipments, of course.

We do regret any difficulties that this may have caused you. We look forward to serving you in the future, and hope that all your flights of fancy will be pleasant.

Sincerely,

Harold Grebunski, President

[One day I was writing a letter of complaint about a product that didn't live up to its billing. I then turned to some accounting matters, and by chance they were for a small company of mine called Icarus, Inc. I began imagining the letter Daedalus might have written to the supplier of his wax wings. Then I imagined the corporate reply...]